Reader Question: Advanced Champagne Techniques?
Yesterday was apparently Sunday, which means nothing to us, but some bloggers tend to field reader questions on said day of the week. One of our confused followers, who for some reason thought we cared about our dear readers, posed to us this important query:
Sometimes I get so drunk and/or lazy, that I don’t even feel like lifting and tilting back my champagne glass, even though I want to keep drinking. Do you have any suggestions?
Anonymous Points Envy fan, you came to the right place. This question comes up constantly, and it breaks our heart to hear that people aren’t better informed in this area. Thankfully, we have a tried-and-true solution to your woes, the key to which is literally right at your fingertips.
In our experience, all airlines outside of North America have modern, motorized seats in their first class cabins. For our method, simply bring the champagne to your lips and use the seat controls to lean back and cause the champagne to pour into your mouth. Unfortunately, this only eliminates the tilting portion of drinking champagne, but we are currently at work on a method that will also allow you to avoid having to lift the glass to your lips.
One of our longtime readers, DeShawndre Chen, submitted this video to us a few weeks ago to see if he was doing it correctly. Have a look:
While he is doing fairly well, he clearly should have consumed more champagne in a single sip. We therefore rate his performance 4/10, as he seems to be missing much of the point.
So there you have it! With a little practice you can perfect this method as we have; all you need is a first class seat. If you find that you do not have a motorized seat, make sure there has not been a terrible mistake (as has happened to us) or immediately switch to hard liquor in the hope that you will not have to remember the sad excuse for a flight you are on.
We hope all of our readers will make good use of this technique, as it makes us feel better about ourselves to know that we are improving others’ lives. Please send more reader questions our way at firstname.lastname@example.org or hit us up on Twitter.