Reader Question: How Do I Survive Coach?

Reader BigMike64 writes in this week with a question that almost brought us to tears:

I’ve got a trip coming up next week and, despite my best efforts, I was forced to buy my transatlantic ticket on American Airlines in coach due to severe scheduling restrictions. I’ve never actually flown coach, and at 6’4”, I’m a little worried. Do you have any tips on how to make the eight or so hours go by as pleasantly as possible?

We would like to offer our condolences to BigMike64, as his flight will no doubt be a harrowing experience. Although neither of the editors at Points Envy have ever actually flown coach, we have heard about it several times and feel we can offer a few valuable tips.

For starters, one strategy that has worked beautifully for us in similar uncomfortable situations (like funerals or job interviews) has been to get drunk in a classy fashion. Fortunately for BigMike64, earlier this year American introduced complimentary wine and beer for coach passengers on transatlantic flights. There is also the option of bringing your own champagne flask, an item we’ve found useful on numerous occasions.

Now boarding Economy passengers at Gate C19.

Next, we’d advise that you make sure everyone around you is aware that you are “supposed to be” up front in the premium cabin. Establishing this as early as possible will ensure you get the proper level of respect from other passengers, and should also guarantee a higher level of service from the crew. If you have elite status with AA, be sure to mention that as well. You can build additional camaraderie with other passengers by openly comparing your flight experience with every premium cabin flight you can recall. Science has shown time and time again that people tend to admire their superiors.

Finally, we have heard that just like in the poorer parts of an otherwise nice town, it can get pretty noisy back in coach. In addition to bringing your noise-canceling wireless headphones and entertainment devices, we’d advise bringing a few of your backup iPad 3s along to pacify those around you. You may also want to bring a bodyguard to carry the extra iPads and play drinking games.

We wish you the best BigMike64, though we ourselves would do whatever it took to avoid your predicament. In fact, one of us spent three extra weeks in Nepal due to limited outbound business class availability, and the other missed the birth of his first child for the same reason. Neither of us regrets it for a minute, and we would advise you to seriously consider your premium cabin options, no matter the consequences.